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What is mahr? And how much is acceptable?

What is mahr? And how much is acceptable?
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October 01, 2024
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Gift to the Bride

The mahr is a mandatory gift from the groom to the bride, which can be in the form of money, property, or any other item agreed upon by both parties. It forms an essential element of the nikkah contract, along with the wali’s consent, the couple’s consent, and the witnesses. For a wedding to be accepted by the shariah, mahr has to be agreed and is a debt on the husband.

Obligation

It is a right of the bride, which is part of her and must be stipulated clearly during the nikkah.

And give the women [upon marriage] their [bridal] gifts graciously. But if they give up willingly to you anything of it, then take it in satisfaction and ease. (4:4)

The purpose is to show to demonstrate that the husband’s ability to take financial responsibility for his bride.

Mahr can take the form of money, property, or other items. It can be paid immediately (mu’ajjal) or deferred (mu’akhkhar).

Agreeing the mahr

The amount of the mahr is agreed by the bride and groom before the nikkah but does not need to be disclosed to the attendees at the nikkah.

If the payment of the mahr is deferred and the husband dies without paying mahr, it becomes a debt on his estate, and the wife has a right to claim it before the estate is distributed.

The amount of the mahr should not be excessive

The mahr is not meant to be burdensome. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said,

The best of dowries is the one that is easiest. (Ibn Majah)

The best of marriage is that which is made easiest. (Ibn Hibbaan)

This emphasises that the mahr should be reasonable and not cause financial hardship.

Excessively high mahr can create a barrier to marriage, which contradicts the spirit of Islam that promotes marriage as a simple, accessible institution. Demanding a high mahr could mean that women do not get married.

Umar bin Khattab (may Allah be pleased with him) wanted to cap the mahr in order to prevent mahrs becoming unaffordable, but a woman objected to this as Allah stated in the Quran that a man might gift his wife a great amount:

وَإِنْ أَرَدْتُمُ اسْتِبْدَالَ زَوْجٍ مَكَانَ زَوْجٍ وَآتَيْتُمْ إِحْدَاهُنَّ قِنطَارًا فَلَا تَأْخُذُوا مِنْهُ شَيْئًا ۚ أَتَأْخُذُونَهُ بُهْتَانًا وَإِثْمًا مُبِينًا

But if you want to replace one wife with another and you have given one of them a great amount [of gifts], do not take [back] from it anything. Would you take it in injustice and manifest sin? (4:20)

There is no minumum or maximum but the average in the UK is about £1,000-5,000 if paid straightaway, or £10,000 if deferred. Some people have made a cat the mahr, but I would not recommend this practice. By contrast, giving an Umrah or Hajj as mahr would be a very rewarding gift.

The amount that Fatima was given in mahr was 480 dirhams. As dirhams were made of silver this would be the equivalent of 1469 grams of silver, which is equivalent to approximately £1146 (at £0.62 per gram of silver). This does not mean that mahr should be the same.

The amount of mahr that should be given depends on several factors, including:

  • Financial capacity: The mahr should be affordable for the groom and not cause financial strain.
  • Cultural influence: The amount can be influenced by local traditions and expectations.
  • Family norms: The amount can be based on what is usually given to women in the same family or social class.
  • Fairness: The amount should be determined in a way that respects the rights of both the bride and the groom.

The mahr belongs to the wife

The mahr is the right of the wife, it is not for the husband or the wali to keep. It is her money. Islam has given her right to have her own finances, to save them or spend them as she wishes. Financial independence had never been heard of at this time, by the Arabs or indeed any other community in the world.

What mahr isn’t

The mahr is not meant to be an amount that serves as a divorce settlement. Nor is it an implication that the bride is a product who can be bought. Rather it is a token of respect and honour.

Mahr is also not a dowry, as a dowry is a cultural practice in which the bride’s family gifts the groom. Islam reversed this practice. However, the mahr does not need to be excessive, as emphasised by the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), who encouraged simplicity.

Divorce

If the husband divorces his wife, the mahr is not returned to him. Allah Almighty is tells us in Surat Nisa (4:20) that if a man wants to divorce his wife, he must pay her mahr and if he has paid it, he cannot expect it back, even if it is piles (qintara). What about jewellery? Although mahr is not to be returned, whether the jewellery given to the wife should be returned or not depends on the social custom in their country. If the norm is that gifts are returned, then the jewellery should be returned. As is the case after the engagement period, known as khitba in which an exchange of gifts takes place, but if the engagement is broken by the girl, she returns the boy’s gifts. If the case goes to court, a judge would rule in accordance with the norms in that place.

If the woman asks her husband to divorce her (i.e she asks for khulla) then she should return the mahr but it is up to the husband if he accepts it or not.

In the Quran:

Divorce may be retracted twice, then the husband must retain ˹his wife˺ with honour or separate ˹from her˺ with grace. It is not lawful for husbands to take back anything of the dowry given to their wives, unless the couple fears not being able to keep within the limits of Allah. So if you fear they will not be able to keep within the limits of Allah, there is no blame if the wife compensates the husband to obtain divorce. These are the limits set by Allah, so do not transgress them. And whoever transgresses the limits of Allah, they are the ˹true˺ wrongdoers. (2:229)

The story of Umm Thalabah

Umm Thalaba (Thalaba bin Salama) was a companion of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and is often remembered for an incident involving her husband,

Umm Thalaba requested a khul’ (divorce initiated by the wife) from her husband. When she approached the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) to request a divorce from her husband, she explained that although Thalaba had not mistreated her, she no longer wanted to remain in the marriage. She expressed her desire for a divorce because she did not feel she could fulfill her marital obligations towards her husband.

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) listened to her and granted her the right to a khul’, asking her to return the garden that Thalaba had given her as her mahr. She agreed, and the divorce was finalised.

This set an Islamic legal precedent for women: This story highlights that women in Islam have the right to seek a divorce (khul’) if they are unhappy in their marriage, even if there is no harm or abuse involved. It establishes that the wife’s emotional and psychological well-being is important, and Islam provides an avenue for her to end the marriage if she feels it necessary.

The requirement for Umm Thalaba to return her mahr shows that Islamic law balances the rights of both the husband and wife, ensuring fairness. The return of the mahr compensates the husband for the financial gift he gave at the time of marriage and preserves the dignity and well-being of both parties.

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Shaykh Haytham Tamim is the founder and main teacher of the Utrujj Foundation. He has provided a leading vision for Islamic learning in the UK, which has influenced the way Islamic knowledge is disseminated. He has orchestrated the design and delivery of over 200 unique courses since Utrujj started in 2001. His extensive expertise spans over 30 years across the main Islamic jurisprudence schools of thought. He has studied with some of the foremost scholars in their expertise; he holds some of the highest Ijazahs (certificates) in Quran, Hadith (the Prophetic traditions) and Fiqh (Islamic rulings). His own gift for teaching was evident when he gave his first sermon to a large audience at the age of 17 and went on to serve as a senior lecturer of Islamic transactions and comparative jurisprudence at the Islamic University of Beirut (Shariah College). He has continued to teach; travelling around the UK, Europe and wider afield, and won the 2015 BISCA award (British Imams & Scholars Contributions & Achievements Awards) for Outstanding Contribution to Education and Teaching.

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