Tarbiya through encouragement: the prophetic method of building hearts
Tarbiya (التربية) means nurturing and developing a person step by step. It is training the heart, mind, and behaviour. It is not only passing on information. It is building a human being: their iman, character, habits, and connection to Allah.
One of the most powerful methods of tarbiya in Islam is encouragement. It is a way of nurturing people through hope, praise, and gentle guidance, so that the heart opens willingly and the person grows from the inside. It is not driven by shame, harshness, or constant criticism. It is driven by mercy, wisdom, and love for what is best.
This is part of what makes the Prophet ﷺ the greatest teacher humanity has ever known. He understood people deeply, chose the right approach for each person, and raised a generation through mercy, wisdom, and practical guidance, not just long speeches.
The prophetic way shows us that a single sincere word, said at the right moment, can change a life.
Allah reminds us that His religion is built upon mercy and gentleness. He says:
فَبِمَا رَحْمَةٍ مِنَ اللَّهِ لِنتَ لَهُمْ ۖ وَلَوْ كُنتَ فَظًّا غَلِيظَ الْقَلْبِ لَانفَضُّوا مِنْ حَوْلِكَ
“It is by the mercy of Allah that you were gentle with them. And if you had been harsh and hard-hearted, they would have dispersed from around you.”
(Surat Aal Imran 3:159)ادْعُ إِلَىٰ سَبِيلِ رَبِّكَ بِالْحِكْمَةِ وَالْمَوْعِظَةِ الْحَسَنَةِ
“Call to the way of your Lord with wisdom and good instruction.”
(Surah an-Nahl 16:125)
Gentleness is not weakness. It is one of the strongest tools of reform. And Allah also teaches us that calling people to Him must be done with wisdom and goodness:
What is tarbiya by encouragement?
Encouragement is not empty compliments. It builds confidence without feeding pride, and it strengthens sincerity rather than weakening it.
It also teaches us a key principle in prophetic education: teaching is not one-size-fits-all. The Prophet ﷺ considered people’s age, circumstances, and personality, and he gave each person what would help them most.
The dream that became a turning point
Abdullah ibn Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) said that some companions used to see dreams and share them with the Messenger of Allah ﷺ, and the Prophet ﷺ would interpret them. Abdullah was young, and he began to wish that he too would see a dream of meaning. One night, he asked Allah to show him a dream if there was any goodness in him.
He then saw a powerful dream: two angels took him toward the Fire, and he kept making dua, seeking refuge in Allah from it. Another angel then reassured him and said:
لَنْ تُرَاعَ، نِعْمَ الرَّجُلُ أَنْتَ، لَوْ كُنْتَ تُكْثِرُ الصَّلَاةَ
“Do not be afraid. You are a good man, if only you would increase your prayer.”
Abdullah told his sister Hafsah (may Allah be pleased with her), and she told the Prophet ﷺ. The Prophet ﷺ responded with the same message:
إِنَّ عَبْدَ اللَّهِ رَجُلٌ صَالِحٌ، لَوْ كَانَ يُصَلِّي مِنَ اللَّيْلِ
“Indeed Abdullah is a righteous man, if only he were to pray at night.” (Bukhari)
Then Abdullah never left the night prayer after that.
A prophetic word that changed a young man forever
Among the clearest examples of tarbiya through encouragement is what the Prophet ﷺ said about Abdullah ibn Umar (may Allah be pleased with him).
The Prophet ﷺ said:
نِعْمَ الرَّجُلُ عَبْدُ اللَّهِ، لَوْ كَانَ يُصَلِّي مِنَ اللَّيْلِ
“What an excellent man Abdullah is, if only he would pray at night.” (Bukhari and Muslim)
This sentence is short, but it contains a complete system of tarbiya.
The Prophet ﷺ first affirmed the goodness in Abdullah: “What an excellent man.” He did not begin by criticising what was missing. He began by honouring what was already there. Then, with gentleness, he pointed him to a higher level: “If only he would pray at night.”
There is no humiliation in it. No harshness. No exposure. Only love and guidance. He used short, focused words, instead of long talks that overwhelm people. And the effect of this encouragement was immediate.
Salim ibn Abdullah (may Allah be pleased with him) said:
فَكَانَ عَبْدُ اللَّهِ بَعْدَ ذَلِكَ لَا يَنَامُ مِنَ اللَّيْلِ إِلَّا قَلِيلًا
“After that, Abdullah used to sleep very little at night.”
One word reshaped his life. Because the heart was open. And because the Prophet ﷺ knew how to nurture souls.
Why encouragement works so deeply
Many people today hear countless reminders, lectures, and warnings, yet their change is slow. Sometimes they stay the same for years. Sometimes they even go backwards. This is a serious loss. Because the believer should always be growing.
But in the story of Abdullah ibn Umar (may Allah be pleased with him), we see the opposite. We see how quickly a person can rise when their heart is reached correctly.
Encouragement works because it unlocks the heart. It tells the person:
- you have goodness in you
- you are seen with honour
- you can reach higher
- I want the best for you
This creates a strong internal motivation. It makes the person love improvement, rather than feeling forced into it.
It is the difference between someone changing because they feel fear alone, and someone changing because they feel love for Allah and hope in His mercy.
Allah tells us:
قُلْ يَا عِبَادِيَ الَّذِينَ أَسْرَفُوا عَلَىٰ أَنْفُسِهِمْ لَا تَقْنَطُوا مِنْ رَحْمَةِ اللَّهِ
Say, ‘O My servants who have wronged themselves, do not lose hope in the mercy of Allah.’(Surah az-Zumar 39:53)
Hope is part of the religion. It is not optional. It is a fuel for worship.
Encouragement is not ignoring mistakes
The prophetic method does not mean we ignore shortcomings. The Prophet ﷺ guided Abdullah clearly: your next step is the night prayer.
So encouragement is not softness without direction. The Prophet ﷺ did not say, “you are perfect.” He said, “you are excellent, and here is how you become even better.”
This is also part of Prophetic gradual instruction. He did not overload Abdullah with many new actions. He gave him one clear step that would lift his whole life. Good tarbiya is often about one step at a time.
Why qiyam al-layl is a key to all goodness
The Prophet ﷺ specifically directed Abdullah to the night prayer. This is not random. Qiyam al-layl is one of the greatest sources of spiritual strength.
It is private worship. It builds sincerity. It trains self-control. It softens the heart. It makes the believer feel closeness to Allah in a way that is difficult to match.
Allah praises the people of the night:
كَانُوا قَلِيلًا مِنَ اللَّيْلِ مَا يَهْجَعُونَ
“They used to sleep only a little at night.”
(Surah adh-Dhariyat 51:17)تَتَجَافَىٰ جُنُوبُهُمْ عَنِ الْمَضَاجِعِ
“Their sides leave their beds (as they rise for prayer).”
(Surah as-Sajdah 32:16)
The one who gives Allah time in the night is never the same in the day.
So the Prophet ﷺ gave Abdullah the best possible door for growth. Not just any extra deed, but a deed that reforms the entire heart.
Connect people to Allah, not to yourself
Encouragement in Islam is not about making people dependent on praise. It is about making them dependent on Allah.
The goal is always: closer to Allah, stronger iman, better character, and sincere worship.
If we want our children, students, communities, and even ourselves to grow, we must revive this prophetic method: recognise goodness, encourage it, and guide people gently toward what is better.
May Allah make us people who uplift others for His sake, and may He place barakah in our words and our nurturing. Ameen.
Based on the khutbah of Shaykh Haytham Tamim 16th Jan 2026
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