Major Principles of Islam – Chastity and Honour (part 2) The importance of boundaries and protecting children
The virtue of being chaste
Chastity and honour are known as al-‘Afaaf wal Hayaa’ in Arabic, or sha’af sometimes. The importance of chastity is highlighted in the Quran, particularly at the beginning of Surat al Mu’minoon, where Allah mentions the value of being chaste. In the opening verses, Allah calls believers successful and describes them in ten verses. Among those, two verses specifically refer to honourable and chaste believers.
Certainly will the believers have succeeded:
They who are during their prayer humbly submissive
And they who turn away from ill speech
And they who guard their private parts (23:1-5)
Chastity is part of faith
Chastity is integral to our imaan, and accordingly, Allah has designed the Islamic system to be connected and protected. This means that no ruling exists in isolation; rather, all rulings function harmoniously. Last time, we discussed that when Allah prohibits something, He surrounds that prohibition with multiple layers of protection.
Thus, the prohibition of zina (fornication or adultery) is safeguarded by numerous protective measures. This is why Allah states in the Quran, “Do not come near zina”, rather than simply saying, “Do not commit zina.” In fact, this is expressed as a general principle in the Quran, where, although in the context of fasting and i‘tikaaf, 2:187 says “these are the limits set by Allah, so do not even come near them
His choice of words is warning us against approaching circumstances that could lead to it. Human nature is weak and vulnerable. If one comes too close to temptation, they are highly likely to succumb to it. Just as standing close to the edge of a cliff increases the likelihood of falling off, coming near zina increases the risk of committing it.
Boundaries and protection mechanisms against sin
We see Allah’s Mercy in the boundaries He has placed to protect us from major sins, be it theft, killing, or any other major sin. For example, in a a well-known hadith, Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said that we should avoid getting involved in anything doubtful.
No’man Bin Bashir (may Allah be pleased with him) stated,
“The halal is clear, and haram is clear. Between them are doubtful matters, which not many people truly understand.” (Tirmidhi)
He continued, explaining that whoever avoids doubtful matters, protects their religion and their honour. This applies perfectly to safeguarding the virtues of chastity and honour.
This hadith offers deep wisdom. It emphasises that avoiding doubt protects both imaan and dignity. The Prophet (peace be upon him) then illustrated this principle with an analogy: imagine a shepherd who grazes his flock near the boundary of another person’s land. If the fence is weak or has gaps, the animals may inadvertently cross into forbidden territory and consume what does not belong to them. You can’t blame the animals, the blame is yours.
“Verily, what is halal is clear and what is haram is clear, and between them are doubtful matters about which many people do not know. Thus, he who avoids doubtful matters clears himself in regard to his religion and his honor, but he who falls into doubtful matters falls into that which is unlawful, like the shepherd who pastures around a sanctuary, all but grazing therein. Truly every king has a sanctuary, and truly Allah’s sanctuary is His prohibitions. Truly in the body there is a morsel of flesh which, if it be whole, all the body is whole and which, if it be diseased, all of it is diseased. Truly it is the heart.” (Bukhari and Muslim)
Just as a flock might wander beyond permitted boundaries, human desires can lead people towards haram situations, feelings and actions. Therefore, one must avoid temptation altogether to stay safe. Once you have approached the edge of sin, the danger is great.
Don’t put yourself in danger
Some may argue, “I am strong; I can control myself.” However, as long as someone remains near haram, they are not immune from its pull. No matter how disciplined a person is, their whims and desires can overcome them.
This is similar to disabling one’s firewall on a computer. Someone might say, “I understand technology well; I don’t need it.“ Yet, removing one’s firewall, makes them weak and vulnerable to attacks, leading to unnecessary harm. Allah warns against recklessness by instructing believers to steer clear of danger, rather than merely resisting it.
The firewall for zina is lowering the gaze. In Surat an-Nur, Allah commands
“Tell the believing men to restrain their looks and guard their private parts, and tell the believing women to do the same.” (24:30)
Both genders are equally instructed to refrain from gazing at haram. Some may dismiss looking as harmless, but even a mere glance can spark deeper temptation.
Allah’s guidance is designed to prevent an initial spark from growing into a destructive fire. We have seen how something seemingly small, like a single spark, can set entire forests ablaze, as witnessed in places like California. If one does not extinguish temptation early, it can lead to devastating consequences.
Out of His Mercy, Allah repeatedly emphasises boundaries in the Quran, and the Prophet (peace be upon him) reinforces them through hadith.
عن أبي ثعلبة الخشني جرثوم بن ناشر عن رسول الله ﷺ قال: ” إن الله تعالى فرض فرائض فلا تضيعوها، وحد حدودًا فلا تعتدوها، وحرم أشياء فلا تنتهكوها، وسكت عن أشياء رحمة بكم من غير نسيان فلا تبحثوا عنها ” حديث حسن، رواه الدارقطني، وغيره.
“Allah has set limits, do not overstep them” (Daraqutni)
Boundaries are for our own safety. These protect believers, though some may view them as restrictive. However, true wisdom lies in trusting Allah’s knowledge. He knows what is best for humanity.
Islamic teachings also establish protection around families, spouses, children, and one’s reputation. Honour is sacred, and attacking someone’s reputation is akin to harming their honour. In his final sermon, Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) declared:
“Your blood and your property and your honour are forbidden for you to violate” (Bukhari and Muslim)
He repeated this concept multiple times during his Farewell Pilgrimage, due to the gravity of these matters.
Chastity is vital for a strong family and community
The Ummah is advised not to cross the boundaries s between themselves and haram, because it will destroy them, their community, and their people. If people wish to build a harmonious, loving, caring, protected, and safe community, they must sanctify life people’s property, wealth, and honour. Otherwise, it will come back to harm them as well.
Allah warns us in the Quran us of the consequences of committing zina. In Surat an-Nur, Allah states that those who accuse chaste women without producing four witnesses should be punished with 80 lashes.
And those who accuse chaste women and then do not produce four witnesses – lash them with eighty lashes and do not accept from them testimony ever after. And those are the defiantly disobedient, (24:4)
This highlights the importance of protecting the honour of brothers, sisters, and families. Some may consider this punishment severe, but falsely accusing someone can ruin their reputation and is a form of character assassination.
Unfortunately, in today’s world, accusing others and fabricating stories has become a lucrative business and a popular pastime, with the media profiting from perpetual attacks on people’s character. A recent example is Prince Harry’s case against certain news outlets, which he won, marking an unprecedented moment in history. This illustrates how accusations and invasions of privacy can destroy someone’s life.
You cannot invade someone’s privacy
Breaking divine laws leads to consequences that harm the community. When people adhere to divine boundaries, society experiences greater peace and protection. However, breaking these barriers is like breaking the floodgate, once it’s broken, disaster follows. By protecting chastity, Allah ensures safety for both men and women, young and old.
One way to avoid zina is through the only permissible option of channelling desire – marriage. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) strongly recommended marriage for those who are able, as it safeguards them from sin. Some ask whether marriage is obligatory, and scholars generally agree that it is not an obligation, except in cases where a person cannot control their desire and is close to committing haram. This should be underlined multiple times. In such situations, marriage becomes an obligation.
Conversely, there are cases where marriage is discouraged or even forbidden. For example, if a person has extreme anger issues and has tried various techniques to control themselves without success, they should refrain from marriage, as it would harm others.
The purpose of the Sharia
One of the beautiful principles in Sharia is that if Allah makes something halal, He facilitates the means to achieve it. Regarding marriage, financial concerns often discourage people from marrying. However, Allah has promised to assist those who sincerely intend to marry. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) mentioned three types of people whom Allah promises to help:
- A slave seeking to purchase his freedom (relevant in older times). This is contextual and historical.
- A person sincerely intending to marry.
- A person striving in the path of Allah.
For those struggling financially, sincere intention is key. Allah provides for those who genuinely seek marriage. Many have witnessed unexpected blessings when making marriage their sincere goal. You need the intention and then you have to activate the intention by moving towards the goal.
Recently, I asked an Uber driver why he had not married and he replied that financial constraints made marriage seem impossible. I advised him to make the sincere intention, and by the end of the journey, he took his Shahada, and embraced Islam. Sincerity plays a powerful role in faith and in life decisions.
The aim of the Sharia is to protect five core aspects of our existence:
- Belief (faith in Allah).
- Life (the sanctity of human existence).
- Lineage and family (preserving relationships and identity).
- Intellect (protecting the mind from harmful influences).
- Wealth (ensuring economic stability and fairness).
The laws of Sharia revolve around these five objectives. Violating them results in penalties, whether for murder, theft, intoxication, or harming family bonds. Protecting family is a key Islamic principle, highlighted at the beginning of Surah An-Nisa
O people, fear your Lord, Who created you of a single soul, and from it created its mate, and from the pair of them scattered many men and women; and fear God by whom you claim [your rights] from one another and [in regard to] kinship ties. Verily, God is ever watchful over you! (4:1)
Allah commands people to be conscious of their Lord, who created them from a single soul, from a male and female, and established harmony through their union.
Allah honoured the family, defining it as a unit consisting of a male, female, and children. This divine definition was accepted for a long time until recent years, when new definitions emerged. Today, there are multiple types of families, including single-parent families for a variety of reasons, as well as same-sex families, extended families, cohabiting couples, blended families, chosen families, foster families, and families with multiple parents.
The shift in defining family structures has led to breaking traditional boundaries, raising concerns about community stability. Allah instructs believers to stick to divine boundaries because they serve the well-being of society.
Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) stated:
“The best among you are those who are best towards their family, and I am the best to my family.” (Tirmidhi)
This emphasises the importance of family, where goodness should begin at home before spreading outward. Unfortunately, sometimes kindness is practiced more outside the home than within it, which contradicts Islamic teachings.
Allah also places responsibility on believers to protect themselves and their families from Hellfire. (66:6) In an authentic hadith, the Prophet (peace be upon him) declared:
“Every one of you is a guardian, and every one of you is responsible for those under their care.” (Bukhari and Muslim)
This responsibility extends to husbands, wives, parents, and caregivers, who must safeguard their families.
Recently, news reports have highlighted concerns about grooming, with attempts to frame it as a problem specific to Muslim Pakistani communities. However, official police statistics indicate that 3.5% of grooming offenders are Pakistani, while 85% are white British. Despite misrepresentation, grooming remains an issue that requires collective responsibility, including efforts by families, communities, and governments.
Young people today face immense peer pressure, influencing them to break moral boundaries. The normalisation of haram has spread across cartoons, advertisements, social media, and mainstream news, negatively shaping minds.
A crucial question arises: does protecting children’s chastity apply equally to sons and daughters? The answer is yes, both are vulnerable, and cases of misconduct affect boys and girls alike
To protect children and families from harm, several steps should be taken:
To protect children and families from harm, several steps should be taken:
- Educate children about personal boundaries
Islamic teachings emphasise modesty and the importance of privacy. From an early age, children should learn which parts of their bodies must be covered and that they have the right to say “no” to uncomfortable physical contact, including close relatives.
- Teach morality and modesty
Instil principles of hayaa (modesty) in children so they develop awareness about what is appropriate. Using simple language, parents can explain the significance of privacy and self-respect.
- Encourage open communication
Children should feel comfortable discussing their concerns without fear of judgment. Establishing a safe space for conversation helps them express their thoughts and experiences.
- Differentiate between strangers and trusted people
While strangers pose risks, abuse can sometimes come from family members. Therefore, children must be taught to identify inappropriate behaviour and report concerns.
- Monitor online activity
Since children are increasingly tech-savvy, parents should supervise internet usage, enabling parental controls and privacy settings. Many schools and community centres offer courses on online safety, equipping families with protective measures.
- Recognise signs of grooming
Parents must be vigilant for warning signs, such as secretive behaviour, receiving gifts from unknown adults, excessive silence, or sudden personality changes. Trusting parental instincts is crucial in detecting issues early.
By working together, as families and communities, people can create a safer environment for children and uphold the values of protection, honour, and dignity.
Protecting children and tricky topics
Teaching modesty is part of imaan, and we must instil in our children a sense of self-respect and trust in Allah. He created our bodies and instructed us to protect them, including our chastity and our private parts. Using simple language, parents should teach children about personal boundaries from an early age. E.g. Allah is the creator of our bodies and we have to look after them.
The most crucial factor is a strong relationship with children. If there’s a weak bond, they won’t confide in you. To improve relationships, spend quality time with them, encourage them, praise them, and boost their morale. If parents are constantly busy, grumpy, or critical, their children will feel unsafe opening up. We are busy understandably, but it’s very important to spend quality time with them, boost their morale and self-esteem, praise them, encourage them, and increase their confidence. This will encourage them to come to you and feel comfortable with you. However, if you’re always criticising them, always grumpy and angry, they will not come near you, and the last person to find out their problems and concerns will be you. If you don’t know how to deal with this then you need to learn.
Children must feel comfortable discussing any topic, including LGBTQ+ issues, within a safe family environment. One respected Islamic scholar from Lebanon once told his children, “Come discuss any topic, even if it’s about haram.” This open-door policy allowed children to explore difficult subjects without fear.
I remember when I was around 18 or 19, one of my non-Muslim teachers asked me how we deal with underage kids asking about sensitive topics like sex. I explained that, Islamically, we teach children from a young age about purity, cleanliness, menstruation, prayer rules, wet dreams and other aspects related to physical and spiritual development.
We go through these embarrassing subjects in a respectful, appropriate manner, ensuring children understand the importance of cleanliness and purification as they transition into adulthood.
Parents sometimes struggle when faced with complex questions from their children. It’s best to honestly say, “I don’t know, but I will find the answer,” rather than dismissing the conversation.
When exposed to sensitive topics such as LGBTQ+ discussions in schools, children should understand Islamic principles while remaining respectful in dialogue.
Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) emphasised seeking knowledge, including how to raise children properly. He said,
“Seeking knowledge is an obligation upon every Muslim.” (Ibn Majah)
This applies to all beneficial knowledge, including parenting skills.
Encourage children to stand up against injustice, to develop strong personalities, and learn when to say “no” respectfully. Instilling this strong personality will help them to protect themselves and help them to understand what to do to protect themselves. Teaching them how to report inappropriate situations to trusted figures, such as a teacher, parent, or guardian is essential.
Many schools today teach children not only about traditional sex education but also about gender identity and same-sex relationships. It is essential for parents to be aware of the curriculum before their children attend these classes. Legally, parents have the right to opt out if the content does not align with their values. It is advisable to review the curriculum and make informed decisions.
Marriage
During the Prophet Muhammad’s lifetime (peace be upon him), there were young companions who vowed not to marry, thinking it would bring them closer to Allah. When the Prophet (peace be upon him) heard of this, he corrected them, stating: “I marry, and marriage is my Sunnah. Whoever rejects my Sunnah is not of me.”
This shows that marriage is a fundamental part of Islam and should not be avoided for extreme reasons. The exceptional scholars who remained single did so due to specific personal constraints, not as a religious choice against marriage.
Regarding marriage, some argue that early marriage minimises risk of engaging in haram, yet affordability remains a challenge. Solutions involve reducing barriers to marriage and ensuring the process remains reasonable, instead of becoming excessively demanding or financially restrictive.
There have been many great scholars, including Imam Nawawi, who never married. One of our teachers compiled a book on single scholars, detailing individuals who dedicated their lives entirely to knowledge.
Some scholars chose not to marry because they knew they could not fulfil the obligations of marriage. For example, Imam Nawawi had 17 classes a day and felt he could not give a wife the attention and care she deserved, so he remained single.
However, this was an exception. The majority of scholars (99.99%) were married. They did not reject marriage because they opposed the Sunnah—rather, they understood that their circumstances did not allow them to be fair and just to a spouse.
In China, a social phenomenon called “leftover women” refers to those who missed the marriage opportunity, often due to unrealistic expectations. While statistics confirm more women than men globally, societal norms sometimes hinder marriage prospects.
Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) set an example by marrying divorcees and widows, demonstrating inclusivity. Societies today should rethink their approach to marriage and relationships.
In addition, continuous supplication is vital. Parents must do everything within their ability to protect their families, while relying on Allah for the outcome.
Delivered by Shaykh Haytham Tamim on 29th Jan 2025