Major Principles in Islam: Chastity and honour (part 1)

Chastity and honour is a huge and important topic. First, we will look at why we have prohibitions and boundaries in Islam. Why did Allah Almighty talk about chastity and honour in the Quran, and how did the Prophet (peace be upon him) apply these teachings?

We will address the balance between desire and soul, the importance of family and the protection of lineage. We’ll talk about promoting immorality and normalising harm and haram, their long-term and short-term effects.

We will also address the issue of how our new generations are being brainwashed by social media, a biased media, and how they need to be protected from abuse, pornography and the erosion and destruction of morality.

Allah Almighty, our Creator, created us as perfect beings. Of course, we have weaknesses, but this is part of our humanness. Our weaknesses can be rectified in many ways.

Allah Almighty says in the Quran:

O mankind, We have created you from a male and a female, and We made you into nations and tribes so that you may know one another. (49:13)

Allah is telling us that He is our Creator; He created us; He created male and female. First, He created Adam, then He created Eve. Allah Almighty in His wisdom assigned a special role to males and a special role to females. They complement one another; they do not compete with one another. The moment we start competing rather than complementing and supporting each other, corruption and problems arise, because that goes against the nature of creation.

Out of His wisdom, He created our bodies and our souls, each with a distinct purpose. Our bodies move and work. Meanwhile, our souls were imbued with knowledge, mercy, and innate recognition of the truth, and of Allah Almighty, and predisposition towards goodness. This is known as our fitrah. It is due to our fitrah that when you are introduced to the truth, by default you can recognise it. All humans, not just Muslims, were created with this fitrah.

We need to create a balance between our bodily desires and our soul. Allah created desire in us, as we need it for the continuation of humanity. Without desire, there would be no reproduction, and the human race would come to an end.

Allah created desire and guided us on how to fulfil it through proper channels. He made the halal path permissible and other paths impermissible. This is why we see a distinction between marriage, which is the halal channel to fulfil desire, while haram channels lead to zina (fornication and adultery), and immorality.

Desire can manifest in many different ways. Left unchecked, it can lead a person down all sorts of harmful and immoral paths. That is why Allah, in His infinite wisdom, has provided guidance on how to channel our desires in a pure and wholesome manner, through lawful means that preserve our dignity, protect society, and draw us closer to Him.

In the Quran, in Surat al Mu’minoon, in the opening of the surah, Allah says:

Successful indeed are the believers who offer their prayers with khushu’ (submissiveness), who turn away from evil, who pay zakah, and who guard their chastity. (23:1)

Then Allah Almighty says:

Whoever seeks beyond that [i.e., fulfilling desire in any way but the halal way], then those are the transgressors. (23:7)

He named them transgressors al ‘aadoon , those who go beyond the boundaries. Going beyond the boundaries means there is a specific punishment for it.

Just like any law in the world, if you don’t support it with penalties, no one respects it. If you say, “Pay your taxes on time, otherwise you’ll be penalised,” people will do it. But if you say, “You have to pay your taxes,” with no penalties, people will ignore it. Apart from a few, most will make excuses and won’t pay.

This is why laws come with enforcement mechanisms, the carrot and the stick. Just as we use these methods to get people to abide by rules and laws, Allah has put rulings in place and encouraged people to follow them. Whoever follows the rules, will be rewarded with Jannah and blessings. But whoever disobeys, faces punishment in this life, and there are set punishments in this world, and there are plenty of punishments in the hereafter.

Allah Almighty wants us to pracitce chastity, which is called ‘iffah in Arabic, avoiding haram sexual relationships and channelling desire through permissible halal relationships, which marriage provides. Zina (adultery or fornication) is one of the top ten sins, which are referred to al-kaba’ir (major sins). It is one of the gravest sins, and incurs a punishment, not because Allah wants to punish people, but because He wants people to be chaste and live by the rules He delivered through His messengers (peace be upon them) for our benefit.

In Surat an-Nur, Allah talks about the punishment for fornication, which is 100 lashes. He says:

ٱلزَّانِيَةُ وَٱلزَّانِي فَٱجۡلِدُواْ كُلَّ وَٰحِدٖ مِّنۡهُمَا مِاْئَةَ جَلۡدَةٖۖ وَلَا تَأۡخُذۡكُم بِهِمَا رَأۡفَةٞ فِي دِينِ ٱللَّهِ إِن كُنتُمۡ تُؤۡمِنُونَ بِٱللَّهِ وَٱلۡيَوۡمِ ٱلۡأٓخِرِۖ وَلۡيَشۡهَدۡ عَذَابَهُمَا طَآئِفَةٞ مِّنَ ٱلۡمُؤۡمِنِينَ

The [unmarried] woman or [unmarried] man found guilty of sexual intercourse – lash each one of them with a hundred lashes, and do not be taken by pity for them in the religion of Allah, if you should believe in Allah and the Last Day. And let a group of the believers witness their punishment. (24:2)

There is a punishment in place, not for the sake of punishment itself, but to keep the community protected from immorality. We need this because the bigger picture is the family. Islam treats the family as the sacred cell of the community. It is the core unit that constitutes the community, the country, the nation, and civilisation at large. To maintain a healthy community, we need healthy families, and for that, we need healthy couples. To ensure this protection, Allah Almighty put rules in place. Allah calls marriage a Mithaq Ghaliz (heavy covenant), signifying its importance, making the marital relationship sacred. He says in the Quran: “We have taken from you a heavy commitment.” Marriage brings two people together, often strangers, and transforms what was once haram (unlawful) into halal (lawful). Before marriage, intimacy is prohibited, but after marriage, the same act becomes lawful.

This relationship is vital because healthy families are the foundation of a healthy community. Conversely, if you want to destroy a community, all you need to do is break down the family – and this is exactly what we are witnessing in society today. To build a strong and resilient community, we must first strengthen its foundation: the family. Many of the problems we face today are the result of long-term efforts to weaken the family structure.

Allah Almighty knows what suits humanity best. To illustrate, consider a factory that manufactures a machine. The machine comes with a user manual outlining how to keep the machine functioning optimally. If someone disregards the manual, thinking they know better, they may expose themselves to danger, electric shock, explosion, or injury.

Similarly, Allah Almighty has provided guidance for humanity. Following His instructions is for our own benefit. In a well-known Hadith Qudsi [divine speech that is not revelation], Allah says:

يَا عِبَادِي، إِنَّكُمْ لَنْ تَبْلُغُوا ضُرِّي فَتَضُرُّونِي، وَلَنْ تَبْلُغُوا نَفْعِي فَتَنْفَعُونِي. يَا عِبَادِي، لَوْ أَنَّ أَوَّلَكُمْ وَآخِرَكُمْ، وَإِنْسَكُمْ وَجِنَّكُمْ، كَانُوا عَلَى أَتْقَى قَلْبِ رَجُلٍ وَاحِدٍ مِنْكُمْ، مَا زَادَ ذَلِكَ فِي مُلْكِي شَيْئًا.

O My servants, you cannot harm Me, nor can you benefit Me. If the first of you and the last of you, the humans and jinn, were as righteous as the most righteous among you, it would not add anything to My Kingdom. (Muslim)

Therefore, if all of humanity were as righteous as the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), it would not increase Allah’s Kingdom in the slightest. Likewise, if the first and last of humans and jinn were as sinful, as the most sinful as Shaytan, it would not take anything away from Allah’s Kingdom.

This hadith makes it abundantly clear that neither our good deeds benefit Allah, nor do our sins harm Him. What matters is how our actions affect us and those around us. Our sins harm us and others, while our worship and righteousness benefit us and sometimes those close to us.

If all of humanity were sinful, it would not diminish Allah’s greatness. If every single person were pious, it would not increase His majesty. But out of His mercy, Allah has given us rules and boundaries. Some of these boundaries we understand, others we may not. Regardless of whether we grasp the wisdom behind them, our duty as Muslims is submission, for Islam itself means submission to the will of Allah.

Consider a minefield with warning signs saying: “Danger. Do Not Enter!” Now imagine someone insisting, “I’m free to do what I like!” If they ignore the signs and step into the minefield, they will only harm themselves. Similarly, Allah places clear limits for our safety. In the Quran, He repeats:

These are the limits set by Allah—do not overstep them. (2:229)

Overstepping those limits will never harm Allah—it only harms us and those around us. This principle is especially relevant when it comes to chastity and sexual morality. Staying within the boundaries ensures peace, safety, and stability in society. In a beautiful hadith, An-Nu`man bin Bashir (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated:

Do not even come near zina. (24:2)

This shows that Islam prohibits not only the actual transgression, but all that leads up to it. These are protective layers around the sin. Just like a firewall protects a computer from viruses, these divine limits protect our hearts and souls from spiritual and social destruction.

If we ignore these safeguards, we become vulnerable to temptation. Sins often begin with something small—an inappropriate look, casual flirting, or exposure to corrupting influences. Shaytan leads people step-by-step toward major sins, as Allah warns us:

Do not follow the footsteps of Shaytan.

Thus, zina is haram, and whatever leads to it is also haram. One of the first steps is looking at the opposite gender with lust. This is why Allah says in Surah an-Nur:

Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and guard their private parts. That is purer for them. Indeed, Allah is well-aware of what they do. (24:30)

The path to haram often begins with a look. This sparks a fire in the heart, which can escalate. To prevent this lust, Allah commands ‘Lower your gaze.’ This is a powerful safeguard for the heart, a way to protect oneself before temptation takes root. In the very next verse, Allah gives the same command to believing women:

“And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and guard their private parts…” (24:31)

Men and women are equally addressed in this matter because both have desires. Islam acknowledges this reality and sets boundaries, not to suppress natural feelings, but to guide them in a safe, dignified, and beneficial direction.

This doesn’t mean men and women can never look at each other or communicate. It means interactions must be respectful and free of lust or inappropriate intentions.

Further safeguards are given through the command for women to wear hijab in the same verse. This is to prevent their beauty from becoming a source of temptation. Allah clarifies that their adornment is only for husbands and specific close male relatives. This, again, is not oppression—it is protection.

Submitting to these limits, even when we do not fully understand them, brings peace, mercy, and tranquillity to life.

Some misunderstand how to apply the command to lower one’s gaze. It does not mean one must close their eyes or act strangely when interacting with others. If a look is innocent and does not spark desires, it is permissible. However, if a person feels a growing attraction or spark, they should stop looking. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) mentioned in a hadith that the first glance is not sinful for a person, but the second is. The first look might happen unintentionally, but if it sparks something, one must avoid looking again.

In another narration, the Prophet (peace be upon him) said:

The gaze towards the opposite gender is one of the poisoned arrows of Shaytan. Whoever refrains from it for Allah’s sake, Allah will replace it with sweetness of faith in their heart. (Tabarani)

If a person notices their heart becoming affected by inappropriate desires, they should change their focus or position to protect their heart. In return, Allah will bless them with a deeper sense of imaan.

These teachings are meant to safeguard families, communities, and individuals. No society is perfect or angelic or immune to making mistakes, but revelation is teaching us to improve ourselves and seek higher standards.

The opening verses of surah Al-Mu’minun declare:

Successful indeed are the believers… (23:1)

those who guard their chastity. (23:5

Success means attaining Allah’s pleasure in this life and Jannah in the hereafter. On a practical level, achieving balance between soul and desire is essential. This is why Allah made marriage halal and Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) on many occasions encouraged marriage and the facilitation of marriage because he (peace be upon him) knew we have  desires and these need to be fulfilled via halal means and [if we don’t] this is where the can of worms can be opened and contaminate the whole community.

If people do not facilitate halal means, haram alternatives become easier, so be careful. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said that the most blessed marriage is the one with the least burden. A heavy financial burden can discourage people from marrying, leading them towards unlawful relationships.

For instance, a young man in his mid-20s proposed to a woman, but she asked for excessive material demands, a diamond set, a house, a luxury car, and branded items. Unable to meet these unrealistic expectations, he backed out. This is the wrong approach to marriage, as it should be made easy and accessible, not overly complicated.

Allah encourages marriage in the Quran. In Surah An-Nur, He says:

“And marry [get them married] those among you who are single.” (24:32)

In the verse, He advises:

And let those who cannot afford marriage remain chaste until Allah enriches them from His bounty. (24:33)

The Prophet (peace be upon him) also addressed this, saying:

O young people! Whoever among you is able to marry should do so, for it helps to lower the gaze and safeguard chastity. But whoever is not able, let them fast, for fasting acts as a shield against desire. (Bukhari)

Fasting serves as a protective mechanism, helping to control desires when marriage is not an option. So again you see diagnosis of the problem and then you see the solution or the protection mechanism.

Allah Almighty and Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) encouraged youngsters and those who were single to marry. The scholars divided the ability to marry into different sections. Financial ability is important, but nevertheless, if they were poor Allah would enrich them from their bounty.

Allah supports those who sincerely seek marriage. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said that three types of people are promised Allah’s help, one of whom is a person seeking marriage. Many people experience divine assistance once they make the intention to marry, even if they have little financial means.

This does not mean one should act recklessly, but one should not hesitate due to fear of poverty. Make the intention sincerely, trust in Allah, and He will ease for you the halal, I can assure you, but have the intention first and be sincere in your intention. Do this and Allah Almighty will open the way for you.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) encouraged marriage because it helps in multiple ways. Firstly, it protects the chastity of the individual and their spouse, and secondly, it strengthens the bond between two families. Marriage brings goodness and protects morality for both the husband and wife and their extended families.

The scholars mention that the ability to marry has three components:

1. Financial ability – Whoever is able to marry financially should do so. However, financial concerns should not be the biggest hurdle. One must make reasonable efforts, and then trust that Allah will provide.
2. Physical ability – If a person is financially well-off but physically unable to marry, they should not pursue marriage.
3. Mental ability – While someone may be financially and physically capable, if they lack mental stability, marriage is not advisable. Unfortunately, in some cultures, it is assumed that marriage might “fix” a person’s mental condition, but this is not the right approach.

Understanding these factors helps ensure a healthy marriage rather than an unhealthy relationship.

Protecting oneself from haram is critical, and the best way to do so is by facilitating halal. Marriage is halal, and Islam emphasises making it easy rather than burdening people with unrealistic demands. By simplifying marriage, we prevent many societal issues.

This normalisation of certain ideologies serves as a form of social conditioning. It is critical to recognise this and address how morality is being reshaped in modern discourse.

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) warned against normalising immoral acts. He instructed:

Whoever sees an evil act should change it with their hand. If they cannot, then with their tongue. If they cannot do even that, then with their heart.

This hadith reminds us that standing against harmful influences is necessary. If people passively accept moral distortions, they become normalised within society. This manipulation is insidious, appearing everywhere, from school curriculums to mainstream media.

We must not give up but instead form alliances and cooperate to uphold moral values.

Giving up haram habits

If a husband or wife commits adultery but repents, are they still destined for Hell? Repentance erases sins if it is sincere. If Allah forgives them, they will not go to Hell. Allah says in the Quran that He forgives all sins except shirk (associating partners with Him).
What if someone repeatedly commits sin but eventually repents and gives up their bad habit? Are they still destined for Hell? As long as they sincerely repent and take precautions to avoid repeating their mistakes, Allah may forgive them. However, breaking the cycle of sin is essential. If a person consistently falls into the same sinful pattern, they must take proactive steps to change their habits. For example, if bad company or certain environments lead them toward sin, they should distance themselves from those influences.

Ultimately, repentance must be accompanied by genuine efforts to change – the environment. If someone keeps committing the same sin without addressing its root cause, their repentance is not sincere.

Marriage: obligation or choice?

Is marriage obligatory for a person who is financially and physically able but chooses not to marry? No, marriage is not compulsory. It is a sunnah. However, for those struggling to avoid haram, marriage becomes necessary to protect themselves. Otherwise, remaining single is permissible. Many successful men remain bachelors. They may pray, fast, and fulfil other religious duties while choosing not to marry. It remains their personal choice.

Those who refuse marriage altogether, if their lifestyle leads to sin, then yes, it is sinful. If not, then they are simply neglecting the sunnah of the Prophet (peace be upon him). They should reconsider their position, as loneliness will eventually catch up with them. No wife, no children, just an isolated life. This pattern will come to an end when they reach an older age, beyond 60 or 70.

Regarding physical inability to marry, does this mean the inability to consummate the marriage? If the wife knowingly accepts and forgoes her right, it is permissible. However, such a relationship may not be sustainable, and she may later regret her decision. A related question, should a single man with debts who is not financially stable marry, even though paying off debt is important in Islam? The Prophet (peace be upon him) refused to pray for someone who owed two dinars of debt until it was paid off. The answer depends on the type of debt. If it is related to a mortgage or housing finance, waiting until the full instalments are paid off might take 25 years. In such cases, debt does not necessarily prevent marriage. However, if the debt is short-term and likely to cause financial instability, marriage should be carefully considered.

Setting the right intention is key. If a man sincerely asks Allah to facilitate marriage for him, trusting that it will protect him from haram, Allah will open the halal ways and grant him extra provision. Try it and see, many have experienced Allah’s help in unexpected ways.

Regarding duas, many people pray for marriage for years without success. They meet people who turn out to have ulterior motives, such as seeking immigration benefits. Sometimes, circumstances lead them to older prospects, such as individuals 80 or above, who may not be able to fulfil a marriage in its traditional form.

Dua has multiple outcomes. Some supplications are answered in this life, while others are stored as rewards in the hereafter. If a person does not see the results of their dua now, they should not assume it is a punishment. It may be a test, and it may be a means of earning greater rewards.

Avoiding artificial barriers to marriage

Cultural practices make marriage harder. In South Asian cultures, the financial burden of the wedding falls entirely on the bride’s family, which contradicts Islamic teachings. In other societies, unrealistic financial expectations are placed on the groom. These cultural trends have diluted the essence of marriage, transforming it into a costly and burdensome event rather than a simple, sacred commitment.

Thankfully, some young people are breaking these traditions. Many are rejecting extravagant weddings and instead choosing simpler ceremonies. Some even donate their wedding budget to charity, choosing a modest celebration with close family and friends.

In some cultures, if two people have slept together before marriage, they are forbidden from marrying, even if they sincerely repent. This is a cultural restriction, not an Islamic one. Islam permits marriage after repentance. Another point to clarify, culturally, people can marry someone they committed zina with, provided repentance is sincere. even if they have children from zina, marriage is still possible.

Why is this situation more complicated? Because children conceived through zina are classified as children of Zina in Islamic teachings. Even if the parents later marry, the Islamic perspective remains that they were originally conceived outside of marriage. However, this is not the fault of the children; the responsibility lies with their parents.

Men often mislead women by claiming they need to “get to know” each other before committing. They string women along for years without an actual intention to marry. Ideally, marriage discussions should be resolved within a few months, not dragged out for years.

Is mentioning someone’s negative traits considered backbiting when discussing marriage proposals? If done truthfully and without exaggeration, it is not backbiting. People should be honest about a potential spouse’s character, but avoid slandering them out of personal resentment.

Does fasting truly help suppress desires? Some say fasting works during the day but that desires return once the fast is broken. Usually, during fasting hours, a person is engaged with work, interactions, and distractions, making it easier to control desires. Once they return home alone in the evening, the struggle may resurface.

 

From an Islamic standpoint, children from zina bear no sin. Their status is determined by their parents’ actions, but they are not accountable for it.

Delivered by Shaykh Haytham Tamim to the Convert Club on 15th Jan 2025

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