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Major Principles: Giving sincere advice

Major Principles: Giving sincere advice
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August 18, 2024
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Naseeha is sincere advice. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) mentioned in the very famous hadith narrated by Tamim al-Dari (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said,

عَنْ أَبِي رُقَيَّةَ تَمِيمِ بْنِ أَوْسٍ الدَّارِيِّ رَضِيَ اللهُ عَنْهُ أَنَّ النَّبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ:

“الدِّينُ النَّصِيحَةُ.” قُلْنَا: لِمَنْ؟ قَالَ: “لِلَّهِ، وَلِكِتَابِهِ،

“The religion is naseehah (sincerity).” We said, “To whom?” He (peace be upon him) said, “To Allah, His Book, His Messenger, and to the leaders of the Muslims and their common folk. [Muslim]

This very short, but very authentic and beautiful narration appears in Sahih Muslim, Abu Dawood and others. Imam an-Nawawi choose this hadith to add to his famous collection, The Forty Nawawwiyyah, out of more than a million narrations in the Sunnah of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him).

He carefully selected forty hadith that were comprehensive – in a few words they speak volumes. Nawawi’s little booklet gained widespread acceptance from the Ummah, including all four schools of thought. There have been many commentaries written on it and personally, I have delivered this book in 3 courses. It’s very special.

Sincerity to Allah and His Book

Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) equated giving naseeha (sincere advice) to the whole of religion of Islam when he said ad-deenu an-naseeha, meaning religion – all of it – is equivalent to being sincere.

The Companions knew the word naseeha, but didn’t understand how to apply it, as naseeha has to be given to someone. So, they asked him to whom it should be given. He (peace be upon him) replied that sincerity is due firstly to Allah Almighty. In other words, you have to be sincere in your ibadah (worship), sincere in your intention. It also means you have to be sincere to His Book. Sincerity to His Book means believing in His Book and applying the teachings of His Book to your life, for instance by refraining from what Allah prohibited.

Applying His book means loving His Book, understanding His Book, acting upon His book, and living by His Book. It means delivering the message of His Book to others. This is how we show sincerity towards Allah Almighty’s Book.  

Sincerity to Allah’s Messenger (peace be upon him)

How does one show sincerity towards Allah’s Messenger (peace be upon him)? It means to believe in him and in his message and to follow his Sunnah. It is to make him your role model (peace be upon him), to love him, respect him, and follow his footsteps (peace be upon him). 

Sincerity to leaders

How does one give naseeha to the leaders of the Muslims? This is a huge topic in itself, which is very detailed and has many conditions.

We need to see it in conjunction with the famous hadith in which Abu Sa’id al-Khudri (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said,

عَنْ أَبِي سَعِيدٍ الْخُدْرِيّ قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ مَنْ رَأَى مِنْكُمْ مُنْكَرًا فَلْيُغَيِّرْهُ بِيَدِهِ فَإِنْ لَمْ يَسْتَطِعْ فَبِلِسَانِهِ فَإِنْ لَمْ يَسْتَطِعْ فَبِقَلْبِهِ وَذَلِكَ أَضْعَفُ الْإِيمَانِ

Whoever among you sees evil, let him change it with his hand. If he cannot do so, then with his tongue. If he cannot do so, then with his heart, which is the weakest level of faith. (Muslim)

This means that if something around you is wrong, you have a responsibility to change it. However, unless you are in the driving seat, you can’t change it, you can only give advice.

Giving advice to leaders is not a case of telling them they are they are evil tyrants, hypocrites, or oppressors. This could easily land you in prison or worse get you killed. Sadly, this is not an exaggeration, as we have seen in our times, and in the past with figures such as Firaun.

Tyrants cannot tolerate any objections. Anyone who disagreed with Firaun would be killed. In the story of Musa (peace be upon him), when he suggested that Firaun was wrong, and conveyed the revelation from Allah Almighty, Firaun considered it a personal threat to his authority and his position. He appealed to his people, saying “Let me kill Musa”:

وَقَالَ فِرْعَوْنُ ذَرُونِىٓ أَقْتُلْ مُوسَىٰ وَلْيَدْعُ رَبَّهُۥٓ ۖ إِنِّىٓ أَخَافُ أَن يُبَدِّلَ دِينَكُمْ أَوْ أَن يُظْهِرَ فِى ٱلْأَرْضِ ٱلْفَسَادَ

And Pharaoh said, ‘Let me kill Moses, and let him call upon his Lord. Indeed, I fear that he will change your religion or that he will cause corruption to appear in the land.’ (40:26)

Why did he want to kill Musa (peace be upon him)? Simply because he was not towing his line. He opposed his brutal ways. Tyrants can’t stand opposition. So how does one deliver naseeha to them?  Not everyone knows how to deliver advice. Some people are very sincere in their intention, but when they deliver advice, they just do it wrong – the way in which they deliver their naseeha is very bad.

Speak nicely

We learn from the Quran, in the story of Musa (peace be upon him) and Firaun, that when Musa was returning from Madyan to Egypt with his family, after 10 to 20 years absence, he received the first revelation from Allah Almighty. Allah Almighty spoke to him and instructed him to go to Firaun and to tell him that that he had been sent by Allah and was His messenger. In this exchange, Musa (peace be upon him) asked Allah Almighty for eight things, including the ability to deliver the message in an eloquent way and to make his brother Haroon a prophet, so he could assist him. Allah Almighty accepted the supplication of Musa (peace be upon him), and bid him and Haroon to go to Firaun and speak to him nicely. (Musa was a higher level than Haroon, as he was a messenger, while Haroon was a prophet). It is puzzling why Allah Almighty told them to speak to Firaun nicely, when Firaun was the epitome of evil and one’s automatic reaction would be to reprimand for his viciousness, crimes, and massacres. Yet Allah commanded Musa and Haroon (peace be upon them) to that their words should not be coarse. What a challenge? It means that delivering the message is not about your personal emotions, but representing the sender of the message. If you do not put your emotions aside, it is a barrier. Emotions obstruct the delivery.

Moreover, before one opens their mouth, they already assume that a tyrant will not listen – and of course Allah Almighty knows that. If somebody were to command you to tell Netanyahu nicely to stop killing the innocent people in Palestine, you already know that he will not listen. Allah Almighty knows this too, but He is teaching us a lesson – the best way to deliver His message, to carry the words of Allah Almighty to humanity. You must not be controlled by your anger, or controlled by your emotions.

Musa (peace be upon him) knew that Firaun was a ruthless criminal. He was killing people mercilessly at whim – so he would kill them too. Musa (peace be upon him) was anticipating that he would be killed, and this is why he and Haroon expressed their fear to Allah Almighty:

قَالَا رَبَّنَا إِنَّنَا نَخَافُ أَن يَفْرُطَ عَلَيْنَا أَوْ أَن يَطْغَىٰ

They said, ‘Our Lord, indeed we fear that he will hasten [punishment] against us or that he will transgress.’ (20:45)

They voiced their concerns to Allah Almighty, wondering whether this would be their end – what if he killed or tortured them. So, Allah Almighty gave them emotional support:

قَالَ لَا تَخَافَآ ۖ إِنَّنِى مَعَكُمَآ أَسْمَعُ وَأَرَىٰ

Allah reassured ˹them˺, “Have no fear! I am with you, hearing and seeing. (20:46)

Allah Almighty told them not to be afraid. Yes, they should be cautious, because it was dangerous territory and Allah Almighty did acknowledge their fear, because it was natural. Fear is normal and you should not be afraid of showing it sometimes, especially to Allah Almighty Himself. Allah Almighty comforted Musa (peace be upon him) and Haroon (peace be upon him) that assured them that He was with them, supporting them and that He was watching them and listening to everything –  giving them peace in their heart.   

His words remind us of the time when Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) was hiding in the cave of Thawr with Abu Bakr (may Allah be pleased with him), when they were fleeing from Makkah to Madinah to escape the tyranny of Quraysh who were in pursuit and intending to assassinate him. They came so close to them they could have spotted them, so Abu Bakr was terrified. The Prophet (peace be upon him) told him not be sad or afraid, because Allah Almighty was with them. Tranquillity descended on the heart of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and Abu Bakr (may Allah be pleased with him):

إِلَّا تَنصُرُوهُ فَقَدْ نَصَرَهُ ٱللَّهُ إِذْ أَخْرَجَهُ ٱلَّذِينَ كَفَرُوا۟ ثَانِىَ ٱثْنَيْنِ إِذْ هُمَا فِى ٱلْغَارِ إِذْ يَقُولُ لِصَـٰحِبِهِۦ لَا تَحْزَنْ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ مَعَنَا ۖ فَأَنزَلَ ٱللَّهُ سَكِينَتَهُۥ عَلَيْهِ وَأَيَّدَهُۥ بِجُنُودٍۢ لَّمْ تَرَوْهَا وَجَعَلَ كَلِمَةَ ٱلَّذِينَ كَفَرُوا۟ ٱلسُّفْلَىٰ ۗ وَكَلِمَةُ ٱللَّهِ هِىَ ٱلْعُلْيَا ۗ وَٱللَّهُ عَزِيزٌ حَكِيمٌ

˹It does not matter˺ if you ˹believers˺ do not support him, for Allah did in fact support him when the disbelievers drove him out ˹of Mecca˺ and he was only one of two. While they both were in the cave, he reassured his companion, “Do not worry; Allah is certainly with us.” So Allah sent down His serenity upon the Prophet, supported him with forces you ˹believers˺ did not see, and made the word of the disbelievers lowest, while the Word of Allah is supreme. And Allah is Almighty, All-Wise. (9:40)

Returning to the story of Musa and Haroon, did the delivery of the message in a nice, eloquent way change Firaun’s mind? Did he believe them? No.  But unless they had conveyed the message, Firaun could argue that he had not been given the chance to believe in Allah.

Imagine if Allah Almighty made Firaun drown in the sea without presenting the message to him. On the Day of Judgement, Firaun could argue that he had not received the divine message or that it had not been presented with clarity. Of course, Allah Almighty knew that he would not believe, because He has knowledge of the future and the Unseen. Just as Allah Almighty presented the message to him to give him the chance to believe, He gives us the chance to take the right decision, knowing in advance what decision we are going to make, without forcing us to take it. He knows that He has given us the choice and He knows what direction we will take. 

For instance now, Allah Almighty has given the choice to the people to be on the right side of history – to be with the oppressed, rather than the oppressors. Some people did choose to side with the oppressors rather than the oppressed. They have chosen to be on the wrong side of history. Supporting tyranny rather than supporting those who are weak and vulnerable and persecuted and tortured and killed. Allah Almighty has provided plenty of opportunities to people to correct their position, yet many of our politicians are competing to support tyranny and are complicit in the massacre of innocent people instead of stopping the bloodshed.

The art of giving advice

Sincerity means that when we witness something wrong, we cannot simply turn away and say, “It’s not my business.” On the contrary, it is everyone’s responsibility to address wrongdoing and strive to correct it — depending on the details and circumstances, of course. Whether it’s correcting a wrong or enhancing something good, it is our duty to do our best to contribute positively.

Giving naseeha is an art and an obligation. It is incumbent on every Muslim to give sincere advice, but we have varying levels of influence. Those who are in the position of leadership can talk to the leaders to advise them, but the general public have to adopt a different method, and it also depends whom they are advising – politicians, leaders or scholars etc.

There are important conditions that scholars have outlined when it comes to giving naseeha, especially when it pertains to rulers or those in positions of authority. If you are advising a ruler, for instance, you need to have some authority and be a voice that they can trust; otherwise, your advice may go unheeded. This is why there are different levels of responsibility — some people have the power to effect change through their actions, while others do so through their words.

When offering advice, some people will listen, while others may not, what matters is that you did your part, and the result are not in your hands, they are in Allah Almighty’s Hands. 

Part and parcel of giving good advice is to know when and how and where to give the advice. Choosing the wrong timing will ruin the advice, choosing the wrong place will ruin the advice, choosing the wrong words will ruin the advice. Also choosing the wrong tone will ruin the advice. Therefore, you need the right formula to give the right advice.

The goal of naseeha is to guide and support, not to shame or push someone away. Offering a “lifeline” through gentle, private counsel can bring someone back to the truth rather than driving them further away.

For example, if someone is doing something wrong and you correct them publicly by saying, “You know what, I’ll give you advice; this is wrong, and you shouldn’t have done this,” this isn’t truly advice — it’s exposing them. Sincere advice requires a more private and thoughtful approach. You might take the person aside and gently suggest, “Perhaps you didn’t realise that what you’re doing or saying isn’t the right thing.” You might even acknowledge that you know they didn’t mean any harm, which can help prevent defensiveness and encourage them to reflect and return to the right path.

I have witnessed several times that someone in authority was delivering a speech and mentioned some weak or fabricated narrations and somebody from the audience stands up and objects and shames them for it publicly. This is very rude and will not achieve the objective either. They should wait until he has finished and people have left and then tell him in private that those narrations were weak or fabricated. It is not about point scoring, or showing them up. If you do it nicely, next time they can give the authentic narrations.

Imam al Ghazali in his beautiful little booklet, ‘Ayyuhal Walad’ (My Dear Loving Son) stated ‘to give advice is the easy part, to accept the advice is harder’. It is certainly true, accepting advice is hard. I remember a couple of times when I was asked for advice and people did the opposite of what I said. Later on they came back and sadly their affairs ended badly.

The story of Jareer bin Abdillah

Jareer bin Abdillah al Bajali (may Allah be pleased with him) was a companion of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), and a very late-comer to Islam. He accepted Islam a month or 2 months before the death of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). He was the leader of his tribe, and he came to Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) while he was sitting in a small crowded place. He looked around but couldn’t find any space to sit down.  Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) was very observant, and realising that there was no space for Jareer, he removed his cloak, wrapped it and threw it to Jareer, saying, ‘Sit on this’.  What a great honour! This was a common practice in the Arab world, that they would put their cloak on the floor for their guest to sit on it, as a means of honouring them. Jareer took this cloak, put it on his face, put it on his neck and he kissed it and then he took it on Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him)’s shoulders and he said may Allah honour you as you have honoured me.

The story of Jareer bin Abdillah is beautiful. He once instructed his servant to go to the market and purchase a horse for him. The servant went and found a very beautiful, healthy, and strong horse —the best he could find. After negotiating with the seller, they agreed on a price of 300 dirhams. The servant then brought the horse and the seller to his master, Jareer.

When Jareer saw the horse, he was surprised and greatly admired it, recognising that it was indeed a top-notch horse—healthy and of high quality. He asked the seller, “How much did you agree on?” The seller replied, “We agreed on 300 dirhams.”

However, Jareer, understanding the true value of the horse, said to the seller, “Your horse is worth 400 dirhams; you should sell it for 400.” The seller agreed. But Jareer continued, saying, “Actually, your horse is worth 500 dirhams; you should sell it for 500.” Again, the seller agreed. Jareer then said, “You know what, your horse is worth 600 dirhams,” and he continued adding 100 dirhams at a time until he reached 800 dirhams. Finally, Jareer said, “Your horse is worth 800 dirhams; you should sell it for 800 dirhams.” The seller agreed, and Jareer paid him the 800 dirhams.

Before the seller left, Jareer said to him, “Don’t think I’m foolish or naive. I did this because when I accepted Islam, I made a pledge to Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). He (peace be upon him) asked me to give sincere advice (naseeha) to every Muslim, and this is why I have given you this advice. I promised Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) that I would give sincere advice to every Muslim, and I kept that promise until the day I died.” His story shows true commitment!

We need the right people to give us the right advice. If you choose the wrong people, you will get the wrong advice. Sometimes they deliberately give you the wrong advice, because they see you as their competitor or harbour ill feelings toward you, are hypocritical, or simply want to see you fail. Therefore, it’s crucial not to accept advice from just anyone. Instead, seek guidance only from sincere and trusted individuals.

Jareer made a pledge to Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) when he accepted Islam that he would give naseeha to every Muslim he encountered, and he accepted this and he applied this and he lived by his promise.

Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) emphasised that the entire religion is rooted in sincerity, particularly in giving advice. This sincerity begins with our relationship with Allah Almighty – accepting Him as our Lord, following His commands, and dedicating ourselves to living by His guidance. It extends to His Book by understanding it, living according to its teachings, conveying its message, loving it, and applying it in our lives. It also applies to following the messengers by adhering to their example.

For leaders, sincere advice involves guiding them back to the right path when they falter or make mistakes. This process of reform is vital for the Ummah; we need always people to reform, to correct the direction and to give advice for everybody. Many people will shy away from telling anyone anything, thinking they should mind their own business, and not be nosy.  It’s not about being nosy it’s about naseeha, giving the right advice. You never know, sometimes people are just waiting for a good word. People hearing the sincere advice will change. Others will not, but that’s fine as we cannot guarantee the result. We can only follow the advice of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) by being sincere in our intention and sincere in our words and sincere in our approach and leave the rest to Allah Almighty.

Of course, it’s important to be cautious, because not everyone is receptive to advice. Some may reject it outright, saying, “I didn’t ask for your opinion,” and might even attempt to shut you down. That’s why it’s crucial to give advice privately, ensuring your intention isn’t to embarrass someone in public but to genuinely help them.

Delivered to the Convert Club on 28 May 2024 by Shaykh Haytham Tamim. Transcribed by S Jawaid.

Q: What about the notion of unsolicited advice? Sometimes, when you see someone doing something, you volunteer advice, but they don’t really want it because they haven’t asked for it.

A: I’ve encountered this situation many times, and I’ve always tried to approach it with care. Even if they didn’t ask for my advice, I felt it was my duty to offer it, provided it was done in the right way. The key is to do it privately, with the right intention. Take them aside and gently explain that what they’ve mentioned may not be accurate or that there might be something they need to verify. The details of how you approach it are important, but offering advice is a duty we should not shy away from.

Q: Some people don’t like unsolicited advice.

A: In public, yes, people might tell you to mind your own business. But if you approach them privately, I doubt they would react the same way. It depends on your tone, approach, and the language you use. For instance, you could say, “Perhaps you didn’t mean to do [X],” which offers them a way out without feeling accused. The purpose of advice is to bring someone back to the right path, not to push them away. Anyone can criticize; it’s easy. But true naseeha (sincere advice) aims to guide and help.

Q: Shouldn’t we focus on ourselves first and give ourselves advice before advising others?

A: Absolutely, self-reflection is crucial. Giving advice is not about pushing someone over the edge, especially if it’s not the right time. Even if your advice is well-intentioned and given privately, it’s important to consider the timing and the manner of delivery. The goal is to help, not to criticize or embarrass.

A: There’s a big difference between giving advice and criticising people. Criticism often involves highlighting someone’s mistakes, magnifying them, and publicizing them, which is not permissible and is haram. In contrast, advice is given with the intention of helping someone improve or rectify a situation. When you approach someone with sincerity, they’re less likely to dismiss your advice as intrusive. If they sense that you genuinely want to help, they’ll be more open to listening and even discussing their circumstances.

For example, during Ramadan, I went to the barber, who happened to be a Muslim. I noticed he was smoking, and I was initially frustrated, but I controlled myself. I approached him gently, saying, “Perhaps you’re not feeling well today, and that’s why you’re not fasting, but it’s best not to smoke in public.” He responded by saying, “Yes, I’m ill today.” Whether he was ill or not, I chose to give him the benefit of the doubt rather than confront him harshly. By offering him a lifeline, he felt supported rather than judged.

A: It’s crucial not to be judgmental. The right approach is to help, if you can.

Q: As a convert to Islam, I’ve had to make difficult choices. In an ideal world, I would have had other options, but not all options were available to me. I knew that I chose the lesser option, and I have to live with that. When people repeatedly tell me what I should have done, it can push me over the edge, especially when I already feel guilty.

A: As long as your actions are justified between you and Allah Almighty, that’s what matters most. You are the one who will be questioned, not them. It’s okay to say, “Insha’Allah, I hope Allah Almighty will ease the way for me to become a better person.” This won’t lower your rank in the eyes of Allah; it shows humility and a willingness to improve.

Q: It can be difficult as a Muslim, especially when people aren’t sincere. For example, in the mosque, some Muslims focus on trivial things, like telling you that a piece of your hair is showing during prayer, which can be quite disturbing.

A: Some people have a personality that’s more critical, and this can be part of your test from Allah Almighty. These situations teach you how to control your emotions and reactions. View it as training from Allah to help you grow stronger in your faith and character.

Q: Is it permissible to distance oneself from manipulative people who remain in denial about their mistakes and continue to play games?

A: Yes, some people can be very controlling. The appropriate response depends on the nature of the relationship. If it’s a relative or someone close to you, you can’t simply cut ties. Instead, minimize interactions in a way that doesn’t sever family bonds. However, if it’s not a close relative, reducing contact can be helpful to avoid unnecessary conflict.

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Shaykh Haytham Tamim is the founder and main teacher of the Utrujj Foundation. He has provided a leading vision for Islamic learning in the UK, which has influenced the way Islamic knowledge is disseminated. He has orchestrated the design and delivery of over 200 unique courses since Utrujj started in 2001. His extensive expertise spans over 30 years across the main Islamic jurisprudence schools of thought. He has studied with some of the foremost scholars in their expertise; he holds some of the highest Ijazahs (certificates) in Quran, Hadith (the Prophetic traditions) and Fiqh (Islamic rulings). His own gift for teaching was evident when he gave his first sermon to a large audience at the age of 17 and went on to serve as a senior lecturer of Islamic transactions and comparative jurisprudence at the Islamic University of Beirut (Shariah College). He has continued to teach; travelling around the UK, Europe and wider afield, and won the 2015 BISCA award (British Imams & Scholars Contributions & Achievements Awards) for Outstanding Contribution to Education and Teaching.

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